in short



  • bdsm does not exist in a vaccum
  • the people who have institutional power and often use it for oppression still have institutional power in bdsm circles (men, white people, straight people, cisgender people, etc)
  • they have used this power in the scene, often without awareness of their institutional power, to develop norms and discourses that benefit themselves and do not represent the best interests of people who have other needs, because they have been taught that their experience is universal
  • this is most obvious in the example of straight male doms but is not exclusive to them
  • in this scenes, the role of ‘dominant’ itself is institutionally powerful
  • therefore the norms and discourses of the bdsm scene are often beneficial to people with power and actively teach people without power that their real social/institutional disempowerment is desirable and normal and honorable and superior
  • or else that it’s “just roleplay” and ignores how it is indistinguishable from non-kink, non-consent power hierarchies and only exists because those real world oppressions exist
  • this includes the idea of “consent”
  • when what is and isn’t consent has been defined by people who have a vested interest in manipulation, intentionally or unintentionally
  • then we have to be very critical of it and be careful with it!
  • we have to engage the idea of consent personally and critically
  • and yes, that means listening to the voices of those who have been hurt by its disregard even when we initially agree or it is uncomfortable to do so, taking them seriously and agreeing or disagreeing point by point, not as a lump yes/no (anti-kink people)
  • and develop a version of consent that protects the most vulnerable members of our communities from coersion, rather than a version that protects only powerful people’s right to sexual access
  • we must engage in criticism of bdsm to make it safer for each other and for future practitioners/participants in the scene, and not allow the only critical voices to come from those who do not participate
  • and we must speak our criticism and our discussions of safe, uncoercive, mutually-beneficial play loudly to engage young people and people who are recently emerging into the scene to give an alternative to the huge presence of abusive norms, to protect them from becoming the prey of sexual predators
  • but that doesn’t mean there is no possible way to do many/most  bdsm activities consensually
  • so let’s go kids!!!!!

I so fucking wish I had been told this when I started out. Not that I’d have fully understood or accepted it. We need a culture shift so that people recognise this shit early. I know that many people only start to see it after they are abused and after they discover that their experience is a common one. 

VIA other-bronte


The Specsavers Crime Thriller Awards (08.10.2010).

VIA gravesdiggers

Use them in good health love.


Thank you for the kind birthday gift. I hope to have many more with you by my side.




Britain ‘Pride’ Premiere at Odeon Camden in London (02.09.2014).

un-watermarked version

Thanks for finding these!

VIA gravesdiggers


Rupert Graves in Garrow’s Law Series 2 Episode 2 (2010) part 1/2


A new Special Edition of Sherlock‘s third series will be released on DVD and Blu-ray later this year, featuring new unseen footage.

Released on Monday 3 November by BBC Worldwide, the new set includes the original bonus features along with exclusive special content, including brand new commentaries and never-seen-before outtakes, as well as a previously unreleased deleted scene and documentaries.

Here are full details of the new bonus materials:

  • Outtakes from Series 2 and Series 3
  • An exclusive deleted scene from Series 3
  • Audio commentary with Una Stubbs, Steven Moffat, Sue Vertue and Mark Gatiss
  • Three 45-minute documentaries, as seen on PBS in the USA, with behind-the-scenes footage
  • 60-minute Unlocking Sherlock documentary
  • ‘Many Happy Returns’ mini-episode


(cap from this post)

I am delighted we finally get an own-able copy of MHR - and I’m so looking forward to hearing Una’s commentary - but of course the big news here is OUTTAKES! :)


Rupert Graves in Garrow’s Law Series 2 Episode 2 (2010) part 2/2

Next will be Episode 3

Ah, Yes. Hello

I’m not dead. and I’d love to come back into the rp scene, if anyone’s interested. Drop me a line.

(Source: glukauf)

VIA evawrites


please watch this music video it’s rad


Patrick Standish: 'Well, since you're here…'

VIA gravesdiggers
ORIGINALLY screpochka


1. 16.11.2011
2. 24.11.2011


New Edit - Rupert Graves as Greg Lestrade - Many Happy Returns - BBC Sherlock.